Welcome to My Writing Blog!

Hello! Thanks for stopping by. This blog is a collection of my disjointed ramblings which may someday form coherent storylines. But I make no promises.

I have often thought about trying to collect my various thoughts and half-constructed ideas in one place to see if I could merge any together to come up with that multi-million dollar selling novel or screenplay, but until I recently became familiar with blogger.com and finally purchased a decent laptop, I could not figure out how to do it. The portability of the laptop (it is a mini-9) will make it easy for me to write anytime and anywhere that I have free time and blogger.com gives a central place where I can access my work from almost anywhere.

If I get serious about this thing, I might make the blog private due to concerns for copyright issues. If you are a "serious" reader and want to stay in the loop should that happen, please let me know. In the meantime, if you see any of my ideas you want to steal, please share the profits with me so we do not have to go through a messy lawsuit. Why share any of the moolah with the lawyers when we could probably make more money together if you like my ideas?

The Temptation Proxy

My breath caught in my throat as I realized that everything I was now aware of was a part of me just as certainly as I was part of it. Every man, woman and child on the planet, in the universe, and occupying places I previously could not even comprehend were exactly the same yet uniquely different in ways beyond imagining.

I could feel the energy of the Sun burning in me along with the heat of countless stars that were the suns of planets unknown and the daughters of the never-ending Cosmos. Equally I could touch the coldest, darkest points in the nothing that was all there had ever been and all there would ever come to be. I was in-between, yet outside the inside while wrapped up deep in the center of the abyss that was more than I had ever known.

As time stood still my mind, body and soul raced through the eons both ahead and behind me, to the very beginning that never was and the final end that shall never be. Time became the essence of everything yet was meaningless and, in fact, did not exist. Not in the way that I was aware of things existing anyway. My consciousness had become as vast as all of creation, but creation was not what it seemed.
Creation had become the art of destruction that inspires the bleakness of purity which in turn is the seed from which the joy of existence comes. Everything was related to everything else in infinite ways that bound us all together as one through means that we could not fathom. In light of these revelations the thing that was clearest to me was the infinite folly of man.

God, I realized, is not in us all but instead is us all. But God is too confining of a name. God is also Gaia. And Gaia is Wakan Tanka. And Wakan Tanka is Allah. And Allah is Brahma. And Brahma is me. And you. I love you, brother, sister, mother, father. I love you with all my being and all the energy that brightens the entire universe. And I accept your love of me. Love is all I need, all I have now, all I have ever had and all I have ever lost. I am love.

The wonder of it all brought a tightness to my throat as I waited to breathe and an itch to my eye as I felt a tear forming. At least I thought it was a tear. But as the muscles relaxed, allowing my eyelids to rise as quickly as they had lowered, I realized that my eyes had not opened but instead had closed.

And just that quickly, as my breath escaped my throat and once again I could fill my lungs with air, the blink was over and my cold dark world returned in a blinding flash of light.

I was home again in my cage.

The Black Box

Inside the Black Box he waits, his teeth as sharp as razors. He knows he has not been here long but the exact length of time he cannot recall. Time is a desperate occupation and the Black Box a lonesome universe devoid of even the dimmest starlight. He is hungry. He is afraid.

When he sees the first glimmer of light appear along a crack in the sky, he reaches out for it. He knows that light always comes with heat, but still he is shocked when he gets burned. As the sensation slowly fades, taking the pain away like sand slowly washing away from the shore, he wonders how he knows about light and about heat and why this knowledge did not make him more cautious.

But deep inside his tortured heart he knows the reason all too well. He knows it is the light he is hungry for. He yearns to feel it on his alabaster skin, warming the ice cold blood that flows through his veins. He dreams of dancing in a meadow filled with golden sunlight. His sleep is peaceful and soothing only when his dream-self frolics there. But even when he finds escape in these wishful dreams, he always awakens to the same nightmare that is his reality.

The dark. The cold. The solitude never-ending.

The Black Box feeds on him. He has no way to prove this, but he knows it is true. He can feel his life-force draining from him into Its murky gloom. But It does not take without payment. The Black Box returns pain, anguish and remorse. It poisons his rotted soul. But more than this, the Black Box thrives on the poisoning more than the taking. This is the way of the Black Box.

He tries hopelessly to remember the time before the Black Box. Wasn't he just a boy? A small child clinging to the coattails of his mother? Did he not play with the neighborhood children and run through the fields with his dog nipping at his heels? He prays for these memories to return, but all he can find in the deepest corners of his mind are the dark reflections of the tearing and the ripping and the iron taste of her blood.

He knows she has forgiven him as he will never forgive himself. He knows the hatred he feels for the Black Box is really nothing more than the reflection of the vile disgust he feels for himself. He knows he deserves the Black Box and indeed deserves much worse, but this knowledge does nothing to ease his pain. He takes comfort from this smallest grace, and the comfort again brings fitful sleep.

The dream. The Sun. The quickly dying hope.

He awakens again to a new rip slowly spreading across the black sky. He prepares himself for the burning light, but this time the pain does not come. This time the other side of the sky is dark, soothing and cold. It welcomes him. At long last he can escape the Black Box. He has hope. He can feed.

He leaves the black box behind and begins his journey. In an instant, the agony and torment of the eternal past is forgotten. He is free! He is alive! The suffering and tribulations, even the remorse he has felt, are distant specters drifting softly away across the gloomy terrain. He wishes to dawdle, enjoying this wonderful sensation of release. But his hunger is great. His thirst overwhelming. He must find sustenance. He must find it now.

He creeps among the shadows, seeking the darkest places in a dark world, hiding and watching, waiting for his prey. When she appears in the dim light of an upstairs window, he realizes he has been lingering there, aware of her demure presence only subconsciously. He can smell her on the breeze, the crimson flow so shallow within her flesh. Waiting for his teeth. Waiting for his thirst. She turns off the light to welcome him in. He steps toward the house, ready to bring her to her destiny.

The tearing. The ripping. The fresh taste of blood.

When he enters her chamber, she turns but does not cry out in alarm. Indeed her startled look quickly fades into a gentle smile. She holds out her hands to him as if to beckon, then spreads her arms in an offer of warm embrace. She has been anticipating his arrival, preparing for this night. Her joy fills him with desire. He is ready to take her.

When it is done, he remembers only he tearing and the ripping and the iron taste of her blood. This is his joy in life. This is the cold fire that burns in him. This is his salvation. He feels no remorse for his actions as this is his place in life as surely as it was hers. No guilt. No regret. He feeds as do we all. He survives as we all must. She dies as is the way of her kind. But he knows it is right.

His hunger abated, he seeks shelter to rest and finds she has supplied a nest for him. A dark corner of her room has been readied with a soft bed of animal furs and more beastly hides as a blanket. He covers himself and begins to drift off to sleep, safe in this new world where he has finally found peace. The smell of her ruined flesh still in the air. Expecting the dream to come, he totters on the edge of slumber. Drifting.

But in his sleep he only dreams of the Black Box. It reaches out for him, grabs him. He cannot escape. It pulls him in as he fights for his freedom. Sucking at his marrow. The Black Box becomes his soul, devours his flesh, steals his memories and thoughts, leaving nothing of what he once was. Taking and taking and taking and... then he is awake!

They have come and found her corpse and they intend to make him pay. Desperately he rises from his modest refuge, leaps for the window and out onto the lawn. Did he ask for too much? Was he greedy to crave the freedom he enjoyed for only the briefest time? He knows he is innocent but also that they are blind. And as quickly as that, his hope begins to fade.

Now it is the chase. The retribution. The inevitable return.

He runs and runs, faster and harder and driven by fear. He knows their intentions if they catch him, but he has nowhere to go. The light is returning to this world and the heat feels like fire on his skin. No place to go. No field of golden sunlight. No place except home. And just like that he finds himself beside the black box. It is at his feet. He looks down at its dark facade. He does not have to look back to know they are already here.

He feels the anguished pain of his countless victims as he unwillingly reaches out to the black box. The irony does not escape him as he realizes he is reaching out to it as she had reached out to him. For the first time he considers this may not have been the fate she wanted.

He vows to himself, as he has so many times before, that next time he will not take her. He will control himself. Restrain himself. He will give her what he knows she truly hungers for. Just as he does now. Though he still reaches for the black box. And the Black Box opens for him.

The Black Box would pull him in but it does not need to as he gratefully climbs inside, an infant returning to the womb. His joyous relief at finding safety and returning home fills the Black Box with desire. The Black Box closes as they approach and the sky turns black. The heat fades as the cold of the Black Box wraps him in its gentle embrace.

The crack in the sky appears again, but he does not reach for it. He still remembers so soon after returning that the light will burn him. He knows they are trying to get in. But the Black Box will protect him.He is safe.

There is the cold. The dark. The fading comfort of home.

Maybe he should try to reach for the light?

Already the taking has begun again.

The dark embrace welcomes
As sunlight fades away.
Safe within his prison,
The creature rots away.

He feeds the cold, the darkness,
The fading warmth of light.
Destined for tomorrow,
Eternal as the night.

The Guardian

"Do you think you are ready for your assignment?"

Sadie looked at the impressive figure before her and blinked, almost expecting him to fade away. He claimed he was her teacher and his name was Thaddeus. He was here to help her with her orientation as a Guardian. She was still quite unsure this was anything other than a very vivid dream. The radiant glow surrounding Thaddeus and especially the beautiful wings that graced his back made it easy to believe she was not currently fully in touch with reality. Still, she thought, it might be best to play along.

"Should I have wings?" she asked, cocking her head to one side and giving her quite-possibly-imaginary tutor her most curious look.

"Haven't you seen It's a Wonderful Life?" he asked with an actual twinkle in his eye.

Sadie shook her head slowly. Watching the Christmas classic was one of the many things that had been on her rather lengthy list of "Things To Get Done Absolutely Positively As Soon As Possible" at the time of her unfortunate demise.

"I'm beginning to wonder about you new recruits," Thaddeus said, shaking his head but with a jovial smile that indicated he might only be joking. "The wings come later. How is the new head gear working out?"

Sadie tipped her head to the left and right, feeling the odd shifting of weight. "A little weird, but I'll get used to it. I like yours!"

"Thank you," Thaddeus said, bowing his head slightly to give Sadie a better view of the golden halo that encircled his head. It shimmered and seemed to wobble slightly like a floating crown of sunlight that somehow was moved by the lightest breeze.

"I'm still not certain I understand what is expected of me. I am happy to be of service anyway I can, but what exactly is a Guardian expected to do."

"Being a Guardian can be many things. But for the Guardian, it is a reward." Thaddeus smiled, seeming to drift away in thought for a moment, perhaps remembering a time when he had served as a Guardian. "You led an admirable life, Sadie. As a paramedic, you dedicated your life to helping others. Indeed, even your death was due to a sacrifice you made to save someone else. It is hard to explain exactly how, and those who may not be as selfless as you would probably never understand, but being a Guardian is a blessing and I am sure you will come to see it as the greatest gift you have ever been given."

"But who will I guard? And what exactly am I guarding them from?" Sadie asked, more confused than ever.

"Some need a Guardian for protection, of course. But others need a Guardian to guide them through the rough spots or perhaps even the ordinary day to day troubles they face. Probably most, though, need a Guardian so they know they are not alone. They need to know that they are loved. No matter what. They need a friend. A best friend. A Guardian is there for whatever is needed. No questions asked."

Thaddeus' words oddly seemed to comfort Sadie and it seemed to feel right that she had been chosen for this task. She had always found her greatest joy in life through helping others so it made sense she would find the same in the afterlife. She was beginning to look forward to her assignment as a new adventure. And what could be more exciting than a great adventure with a new best friend?

"How will I know who I am supposed to guard?" Sadie asked, warming to the idea of being someone's Guardian.

"That's kind of hard to explain. I can only say that when you meet the person, you will know. You will have no doubt nor will the person you have been chosen for. And you will know what you need to do. Eventually you will forget this time you spent training, forget your former life and all the stress and worries you faced, and you will be nothing but their Guardian." As an afterthought Thaddeus added, "Oh, and in the early stages, while you do still remember what you really are, be careful of those who may be overly observant. One of my pupils had some writer in California almost spill the beans by letting him see her true nature and then freaking out a little when he called her on it. Be careful."

"So eventually I will not remember my life as a human? Or even my training here? Why do I have to forget these things?"

"It is one of the mysteries of our kind, Sadie." Thaddeus placed a hand on her head and looked down with tenderness at his student. "Personally, I believe it is because an awareness of what you really are would hinder your purpose. As a Guardian your ultimate goal is to help your charge discover the joy of life. You may be there to protect or to guide or just to be a companion, but your true purpose is really a simple thing. Knowing what you really are might make you feel you should be accomplishing something more dramatic. Maybe trying to make decisions or change things about your person. But the changes that need to be made must be brought about not by you but by the one you guard. And these changes will be made naturally if you just serve your purpose. When your time is done with your person, you will return here and all memories will be returned. In the meantime, you get a wonderful vacation free of worry. You get to live in the moment. It is a glorious thing! You'll see."

Sadie shook her head. She could see now that her new assignment would be a wonderful experience. Free from the worries and regrets she dealt with as a human, living fully in the here and now. Taking time not only to smell the roses, but also sniff the breeze and discover new wonders moment by moment. The ability to see the world not only around her, but beauty in everything about that world. Peace. Joy. Bliss.

"You're ready now?" Thaddeus asked.

"Yes!" Sadie now found it hard to control her enthusiasm. She felt more alive than she ever had during her mortal years.

"Excellent! That's the can do attitude we like to see in our Guardians!" Then Thaddeus whispered , "Close your eyes."

And she did...

"Mom! Dad! This is the one! This is the one!" Sadie opened her eyes and peered out at the boy in the wheelchair. Despite his apparent disability he seemed about to jump from the chair in a fit of joy. "Please! Please! Please! Please! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

Laughing, the boy's mother knelt down beside him and peered in at Sadie. "Well, Toby, she is certainly a beauty. What do you think, Hank?"

The tall man who had been pushing the wheelchair leaned over to peer at the radiant creature that held his son's attention. "She sure is shiny!"

"Pleeeeeeeeease!" The boy never looked away from Sadie while he pleaded with his parents. Sadie found herself getting excited because she knew without a doubt this boy was the one she was sent here for. Jumping around, wagging her tail, Sadie tried to shout with joy and was a little surprised to hear her bark for the first time. The puzzled look on her face brought a new round of laughter from the people looking in.

As the shelter attendant opened the kennel door, both Toby and Sadie grinned the biggest grins ever. Sadie ran to Toby and jumped into his arms as he leaned down from his wheelchair. As the boy embraced the dog for the first time, Sadie began to realize that she was already forgetting Thaddeus and her previous life as a human.

But Sadie knew that everything would be okay. In fact, she knew it would be perfect. She had now found the one thing that would bring her the most joy. She had received her reward for the good life she had led. She had been given the gift of bliss. She had been given Toby.

Blood On The Beach

He stands deserted on the beach,
Sand slipping through his toes.
Her heart just out of reach,
They tell him that she knows.

He whispers to the wind,
"I have sorrows to reveal."
The jagged edge he rends
Pours out the pain he feels.

And as the sunlight fades
And dusk descends upon him,
He thinks one final time
'Tis love that has undone them.

The Blood Reign

Cast down by your god of light,
We come to feast upon the night.
Taken from the ones we love,
Damned by him you hold above.
Trapped inside our worst nightmare,
We beg for peace, but do you care?
Left to suffer, live in pain,
We await the night... of the blood reign.

Like Tears Falling Down

There was a time
Yes, there was a day
When all the children without fear came out to play
There was a time
Yes, there was a day
Before they learned the difference between prayer and prey

And all the angels, like tears falling down
They slowly crash into the cold... hard... ground
And all the demons, rise like anger burnin'
They walk this tortured earth to feed this evil yearnin'

There was a time
Yes, there was a day
When man could walk in light even in darkest days
There was a time
Yes, there was a day
Before evil found a home hid inside godly ways

And all the angels, like tears falling down
They slowly crash into the cold... hard... ground
And all the demons, rise like anger burnin'
They walk this tortured earth to feed this evil yearnin'